Turning on the charm in search for the ‘holy grail’

The Richmond and Twickenham Times, February 2009

Our man IAN MASON takes a masterclass in learning how to become more charismatic.

At the risk of blowing my own trumpet I have never felt like I’ve suffered from any kind of charisma deficiency.

So I could not help but raise an eyebrow when my news editor sent me a masterclass in being more charismatic. Has time been taking its toll?

Have I lost my youthful effervescence? My lust for life?

Or perhaps – as the only single reporter working for the paper – my colleagues think I need help chatting up members of the opposite sex?

Hoping it was none of the above I set off to meet therapist Richard Reid, founder of Pinnacle Proactive, at his Twickenham practice.

Richard has worked in the field for several years and before settling The Maris Practice, off Amyand Park Road, worked in Harley Street and at The Priory.

It was there, helping the rich and famous, that Richard started to question charisma – “how to get it and how to use it”.

This phrase became the tagline for a two-day workshop he runs, which is designed to teach anyone and everyone charismatic communication for life and for work. Richard said: “Charisma is a bit of a holy grail.

“What is it [celebrities] have that makes them charismatic? “There is a misconception that charisma is something you are either born with or not born with.

“I am firmly of the belief you can develop these skills. “It is about people becoming aware of their own abilities and bringing them out.”

The last workshop, in January, drew people from different walks of life who were looking for solutions to problems such as how to impress potential employers and advice about landing that dream date.

“Whatever it is you are doing you are selling yourself, a product or a service,” Richard added.

“Because of the pace of life at the moment people make assessments and quick decisions. “It’s really important that you are selling yourself very quickly.”

I asked him where I was going wrong, assuming I was of course.

Being a reporter requires you to be able to get on with people, to stay positive and happy so I thought I was on the right track.

He replied: “Happiness is definitely a part of it but it is more than that, it is about warmth, about drawing people into your vision, your story.”

Establishing your goals and adopting a “can do” attitude are things people might associate with an American approach to life but Richard said they were key components of charisma. I quizzed Richard over whether he was constantly charismatic.

“I think we all fluctuate, I think I am more charismatic than a lot of people but there’s always time for developing,” Richard said.

He told me people who exude charisma, of which confidence plays a big part, are seen as a source of comfort to others and someone who can look after their interests. Richard explained the best way to tap into the charismatic corner of your mind was to “think about a time where you were performing your best and imagine you are in that moment”.

So, the next time I see a woman across a bar I am advised to follow that advice and pluck up the courage to strike up a conversation.

Experience has already taught me this is easier said than done.

“What you achieve is based around what you believe you can achieve,” Richard said. “It is scary the first few times but once you have stepped off that cliff it gets easier.”

He stressed the importance of acknowledging what you want by “setting your vision,” staying true to it and not letting anything throw you off course.

Richard added: “People can get caught up in what they don’t want rather than what they do want but it’s really important to have a positive focus.”

He listed Barack Obama, Winston Churchill, Richard Branson and even Hitler as being examples of determined people who oozed charisma. I was not keen on using a Nazi dictator as a source of inspiration, but I could not imagine anyone turning down the chance of being as successful as Churchill, as popular as Obama and as wealthy as Branson.

The thought certainly put an extra spring in my step and I hope some of the advice Richard passed on to me – all of which can be gathered at the next charisma class in April – has given me a charismatic boost.

Women of Richmond beware.

For any lonely hearts out there looking for love after Valentine’s Day, Richard offered a few top tips on chatting to a potential partner.

One of the most important things is to try and encourage the other person to talk about themselves and stick to open ended questions such as how, what, where, when and why. Be careful with ‘why’ that you don’t come across as confrontational.
Try and pick up on things you have a common ground with.
If things are going well and it seems appropriate, talk about previous relationships. Whenever bad qualities are mentioned about past partners subtly repeat and gently brush your hand away. When good points are discussed do the opposite and gesture as if you were embracing them.
Subtly make and mirror body language – you can change your posture and see if his or hers matches.
Eye contact is really important but use with moderation, as it can be challenging, aggressive and unsettling.
If the direct approach is not working or too daunting one way of introducing yourself is to try and integrate yourself into the group the man or woman is out with and build

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