Can you learn charisma?
Times Online, April 4th, 2009
Our writer tries out a class to improve her skills and finds that charisma is not all about Tom Jones's perfect teeth
Claire McDonald
When I think of charisma I think of Tom Jones deep tan, perfect teeth and a pelvic wiggle. So when colleagues suggested that I go to a “charisma masterclass” I chose not to take it personally; it was probably just a subtle suggestion to work on my tan.
But I didn't want Richard Reid, the psychotherapist who runs the course, to think that I had been sent as the office Norman NoMates, so I decided to wear my most charismatic outfit, which involved a lot of leopardskin and some pink tights. If my personality couldn't wow him, at least I would have an impact on his retina.
“What you wear is important, but it's difficult to dress for charisma,” he tells me at the start of our masterclass, a taster of his twoday workshops. “Bob Geldof is scruffy, but he's got it. When people dress outlandishly but are unable to follow through with the personality to match the appearance, they can appear quite needy.”
I try to appear nonchalant and unneedy.
What about winking? Surely that's an essential part of the arsenal. I gave him my most nonchalant wink. “Body language should be used sparingly,” he advises. “In fact it's better not to use it than to use it badly.” I knew better than to ask about the pelvic wiggle.
Reid explains how “mirroring” the other person's gestures could be useful. For example, if someone is withdrawn in their body language, you do the same closed movements but gradually draw them out with more relaxed body language. “Eye contact is good, but not too much it can come across as weird,” he tells me. “And maintain a comfortable distance from the other person.” This was sounding more like oldfashioned common sense than a fast track to a cult of personality that would have people swooning in my presence and giving me all their money.
“Charisma can be perceived as something quite cheesy; being charismatic can be seen as being untrustworthy. This course is more about being who you are at your best and developing it in all areas of your life.” So if you are happy and confident in your relationship with your colleagues but not when you go on a date, consider how you respond to your colleagues, physically and emotionally, and try to recreate some of that on a date little things, such as moving your hands the same way or breathing deeply.
“You don't want to be a demigod or a cartoon character, someone who is the same in every situation you need to respond to the situation and the people. Charisma works only if you have that human connection.”
Workshops have about 20 participants apparently they are not united by their shuffling gait or inability to meet your gaze. Ages range from 25 to 65 and reasons for taking part vary from wanting to be more successful on dates to company managers hoping to develop better relationships with their employees.
So how charismatic is Reid? Does he have a firm handshake and a dazzling smile? Would you follow him off a cliff or give him all your money? Well, no. He's a very nice man from Twickenham, with a pleasant smile and smart suit, who simply listens to what you say. What I learnt from this course is that real charisma isn't a bright smile or platitudes it's about people warming to you, while you feel confident in your relationship with them. Nor is it about wowing them with your capped teeth or that pelvic wiggle. Sorry, Tom.
Charisma workshops will be held on May 26/27 in Richmond, southwest London, and Sept 26/27 in Central London.
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